MendakiPuncakMardatiLah

16th July 2009 ~ i shall well remember this day

for as long as i live.

One memorable day

when verbal fury took over the lecture

indeed this historical day shall well be remembered.

The day i had scolded

The class of Secondary 3 Al-Ghazali.

The scene was an unexpected outburst of emotion

and a furious scolding

and it ended with

I storming out of the classroom.

And after a while

they came after me

as they always do

seeking sincere forgiveness.

Ya Rabbana,

May You bless them always.

Amiin

Ya Allah, how can a teacher have so much rage, I asked myself after having regained control and my stirred emotions neutralized. I was engulfed in sheer remorse shortly after the blow up. I just felt outright bad for having screamed at them.

But yah, who can understand you better than your own self. Only i knew why and only i knew how it could have happened. I’ve just been downright depressed lately. I think i’m entering the 2nd week of acute depression. but yeah who would have known eh.. and reality says that i’ve just been emotionally unstable these days

So yea in the distasteful event i had with my innocent learners i would rate the incident with the ration of 70:30. I would attribute the 70% as my own wrong doing and possibly the balance 30 or even less actually came from the students.

The lesson was simply unattractive and it was way at the end of the schooling hour. It wasn’t their fault that they lost interest and started focusing on their own interesting agenda. Yes.. they are barely 15 and 16 year olds.. and i expected them to give the attention span of 25 and 26 year olds, ya Allah you’re asking too much Rahimah.

But, AlHamdu lillah if there was anything that i could pride myself in in being a Teacher, particularly to these lot, is that my anger is short-lived, AlHamdulillah, i dont know how i did it but after a few minutes of the fiery blaze, the next thing i knew i was embracing them in my arms and hugging them dearly as they approached me seeking for my forgiveness.

Yea and i felt extremely bad for firing at them those fuming words of anger, particularly towards Halysha. i know i’ll be bearing this guilt for the rest of my life

But Subhan Allah, these students will always be my source of genuine inner happiness.. i’ll never forget how we were all gathered in that corridor (possibly named the Secondary 3 Avenue? lol.. ) even our revered Principal had to courteously asked to pass thru us… Lol.. We were really making a road block then, lol.. but wAllahi , that was one unforgettable gathering ..almost the whole class was there trying to apologize.. it was a very heartwarming occasion..something i’ll be reminiscing on after they have all graduated.. one event i’ll be keeping very close at heart, hence another additional piece to my life’s treasures

So this memorable incident has prompted me to electronically-pen down this post which i’ve been meaning to write on for quite a long while…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Ya Rabbana, thank You for this blessed opportunity to be able to stand by Life,

to be able to stand by the side of Time

And as I stood by the ticking of Time

and beside this blooming blessed aisle of Life,

I have watched them

all

grown..

~~~

Its been almost three years now since i first met them. 2007 was the juncture of our meeting. It was their first year in Secondary School, and it was my first year of service as a Teacher. And side by side we have traversed through the stony path yes there were times when the ride was rocky and there were times when the cruise was smooth .. and all experiences -the trying and the fulfilling have all been and shall continued to be treasured in good Faith

~~~

The Faithful believes that

“There is hidden wisdom behind every occurrence..”

and the distinct nature of Wisdom is that they are kept hidden away,

well.. only naturally

that’s why they are called “the ‘hidden’ wisdom”

And sometimes…

it takes one a l i f e t i m e

to be able to get a glimpse of such a magnificent view .

~~~

Hamdan lillah,

I thank You in Your Merciful Name, with Your Kindness, Mercy and Grace You have granted me the inner sight which enables me to perceive this beautiful panorama, Ya Rabb

And I thank You in Your Gracious Name that i didn’t have to wait that long to catch sight of it

Ya Allah Ya Rabb, after these consecutive years have passed by, i could now fathom my own inquiry

Sometimes i couldn’t help wondering Am i that hopeless that i am not yet stepping into the marriage world?

But as Time passes by and as i am coming to the end of my third year with these precious young mutarabbis,

i could now well understand Why

As i try to comprehend the circumstance, i am also getting acquainted with my own individual character

And i have began to understand the blessings that You have graciously endowed upon me

For with Your Grace and Mercy You have raised and molded me into an

Ummah-centric individual

And an Ummatic murabbi always has the concerns and well-being of the Ummah at the core of his or her heart

and with this sentiment working very strongly in my character, i could now consent this little sacrifice;

That my own marriage and pleasure of raising my own offspring was put on hold, just for a while,

that i may devote attention to the built-up of the characters of 47 children of the Ummah,

in their critical period, these fragile formative years of teenage hood.

To nurture in them little seedlings of Aqidah

yes, i agree; the vigilant care and monitoring of a Murabbi

was essential.

~~~~~

..Well all that we have left

to hold on to

are the precious memories

of yesteryears

spent together faithfully,

in harmony…

2008 In Memory

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sometimes your relationship with your students can become so amiable that you become Friends.. and I am blessed to have such student-friends ..

They were tightly bonded by the renowned name STAY, a reputed acronym for Sakeena-Tahirah-Amirah-Yasmin

And when you become Friends, you care like friends do, you share your joys and sorrows like friends would, the personal and the general stories and that’s how its been for me with them.

So close they are to me that they are granted the special privilege of knowing the confidential happenings of my life.

But ya..i guess as time passes by, they’ll meet new teachers who are better off

Well if ever you are reading; i just want you to know that i cherish all the times & experiences we’ve endured together.. Love you with all my heart.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Till death do us apart…